Steve "Optimal" Gomer and Lady Shannon Harem plan
to tie the Gordian knot this Fall. Sources close to the couple confirm anonymous
tips that Steve was struck by lightning on the slopes of a Sun Valley resort immediately
prior to the long-long-long-awaited proposal. Arnold Schwarzenegger is expected
"Anderino" Wallgreen and Lolly "Lol" Winstone are
expected to go through with plans to exchange vows July 15th at the Solar Temple
of the Ancient Astronauts in Palo Alto.
Travis "Dude" Hutch (no relation to Starsky) has asked Anne Scalappi for her hand
in holy matrimony. Rumor has it, the ceremony will be available in MPEG-2 format
on Pay-Per-View, after Travis closed a multi-million dollar deal with the Japanese.
Dr. Cliff Read and Darlene Mannes (of the old-money Greenwich Mannes) will default
to a common-law marriage after 7 years of continuous, California co-habitation this
Spring. Ms. Mannes intends to seek immediate annulment from The Pope.
This artist's rendition of the Fatass' current
love interest (not drawn to scale) captures the heart of the marriage that is his
love of bitchin hardware. Each keystroke, each mouseclick, heightens the yearning
and leaves each day sunnier than the last. Fatass intends to bring his lawsuit demanding
legal recognition of cyber-human marriage before California's Supreme Court this
month. Johnnie Cochran is on retainer.
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